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Mystic Pizza: The Musical
23 September 2025 @ 01:58 pm
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THIS LIVEJOURNAL IS PERFECT! BUT NOBODY IN THIS SHITHOLE GETS IT CAUSE IT DON'T PUT OUT!
 
 
Mystic Pizza: The Musical
Earlier today I got into a discussion online with one of my Baton Rouge friends about this Thai place up there called Rama.

Personally, I was never all that into the place. Lots of my friends loved it and I could never see the big deal -- I mean, the food wasn't bad or anything, but there were other Thai restaurants up there that I liked better. And I had some disappointing run-ins with their green curry chicken, which always seemed to overcompensate for the lack of actual chicken with an abundance of diced eggplant. Like, as far as restaurants go, to me it was okay and I would eat there and essentially have a good time, but I never went out of my way for it or got any craving to go there.

Anyway, after discussing the merits of various Thai restaurants in Baton Rouge (like you do when you're obsessed with food) with this friend, I went to look up reviews on Yelp just to get an idea of general consensus about the place.

LO AND BEHOLD, BUT WHO SHOULD I SEE CHIMING IN AT THE VERY TOP:



I immediately felt shame-faced that my opinion of the place isn't much higher than hers. Of course, given that my opinion has everything to do with the food and little to do with the percieved attractiveness of others who eat there, the ethnicity of the waitstaff, or all the other things she picks on WITHOUT EVER ACTUALLY GETTING AROUND TO THE FOOD QUALITY, I still believe my opinion holds much more water than hers and is in no way equal.

Having discovered this veritable motherlode of offensive giblets, I immediately clicked to see her further musings on BR's (admittedly pretty limited) restaurant scene. Oh boy, did I get what I thought I would.

Oh-so-predictably, she rips it apart piece by piece. And even includes some middling reviews of New Orleans restaurants for good measure (New Orleans, of course, being world-famous for having what most would agree are SLIGHTLY MORE THAN MIDDLING restaurants). And, naturally, hardly any of them actually focus on the quality of the food. But there are plenty of nasty comments about completely irrelevant stuff. Like this nugget from a review of a NOLA restaurant:

"On that note, two of my single friends remarked on the cute guys there, and I had to agree-- that's something I don't see a whole lot of in Southern Louisiana."

Now, before we dismiss this comment (merely one of many disparaging remarks about the supposed hordes of unattractive yokels that she & hers stand apart from like shining beacons of classical beauty) off as simply the nasty, irrelevant lookism of a nasty, irrelevant person, let us remember that this particular narrow-minded individual -- being the type who is convinced that the overall attractiveness of people in south (nay, everywhere) is defined by the number of cracker hipsters and the clothes they wear -- is probably largely unaware of a local phenomenon known colloquially as "black men", many of whom are, like, really really really attractive. So, let us please consider the latent racism and bigoted regionalism of such claims as "GOD SOUTHERN PEOPLE ARE SO UGLY" before we write her off as a mean-spirited idiot. It would be unfair not to!

Some more nuggets:

"To add insult to a disgusting mouthful of sawdust, the sandwiches were too expensive-- SEVEN dollars. Are they kidding? A falafel sandwich at one of my favorite Middle Eastern places in New York City is $4"

File under: YOU LOST YOUR FASHIONABLE ZIP CODE, GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

Don't worry though. Like any good New Yorker who touts the abundance of cheap, delicious hilal food up there, it's not like she's full of shit or anything.

OH, WAIT:

"I always found this place on the dirty side (as in sticky tables), but it served the purpose for a quick falafel lunch near campus ... I would've issued another star until my final meal there today, when I noticed the nasty state of all the hot sauce bottles within view ... you can spring for new hot sauce, Atcha, rather than disgusting your customers."

(To illustrate her point on this UNACCEPTABLE HOT SAUCE SITUATION!!! she uploads a picture she took of a completely normal, half-empty hot sauce bottle. Given the oh-so-high cleanliness factor one typically encounters with the hilal street carts up there that she touts in her previous review, I'm sure we can all understand milady's disgust.)

Another one:

While seating us, the hostess gave us a rude attitude, which just went to show, my friend pointed out, that frigging ATTITUDE you get from some people in BR. I had to agree, we had seen many instances of this in our times out together. My crawfish wontons were not bad, but of course deep fried.

YOU?! Caught ATTITUDE?! In BATON ROUGE?! I couldn't possibly imagine why!

And OH MY GOD -- I can't believe they DEEP FRIED your fucking crawfish WONTONS! If my hand ever stops clutching my pearls over this severe affront to good taste and the traditional Sichuan cuisine you obviously feel so passionately about, it might break off! QUICK! SOMEONE GET THE SMELLING SALTS!

She also gives three stars to a French restaurant here in NOLA called Cafe Degas, which is actually rather positive and never really gets around to what cost it those other two stars.

There is, however, one review which sums up her attitude entirely. It says absolutely nothing about why she disliked the restaurant in question, but loads about her own pissy turd attitude:

Oh, Baton Rouge. Sigh.

Yep, that's about it.


IN CONCLUSION:

The problem with these restaurants is not their food. The problem with these restaurants is that they are in Baton Rouge. If one could airlift any of these places and plop them immediately off the Bedford L stop, I'm sure her grievances would entirely disappear. But you see, they're in South Louisiana and Baton Rouge offers our heroine no reprieve from her explosively toxic status anxiety.

It's cool though. She's finally moved back to Brooklyn, where the Lebanese restaurants are always clean, the white boys are always cute, the wontons are never fried, there's no such thing as an overpriced sandwich, no one wears baseball caps, the hole-in-the-wall ethnic eateries have beautiful windows and the waitresses are the right kind of Asian.

Or maybe not, since she left most of these negative reviews after she moved back there.

GOOD. LORD. How I wish Divine, Edie, and Crackers could be resurrected to curse this asshole's house!
 
 
Mystic Pizza: The Musical
24 January 2010 @ 12:29 pm
The New Orleans Saints are playing the Minnesota Vikings in the Superdome tonight. This is our first NFC championship game in the history of the Saints. If we win, we go to our first Superbowl ever.

There are no words to describe the energy crackling throughout New Orleans last night and today. The first thing I saw when I left my house this morning was an genteel-looking elderly man lugging two cases of High Life to his house. They were selling King Cakes at Rouse's with black & gold sugar on top (instead of the usual Mardi Gras purple, green, and gold -- purple and gold are Vikings colors). All the local businesses I follow on Twitter were updating about closing their businesses during the game tonight.

And then someone posted THIS picture, from the mass at St. Louis Cathedral this morning:



Remember what I said about the weird correlations between Catholicism in New Orleans & Saints fandom? BRAINS EXPLODING EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!

Whatever the outcome of the game is tonight, I'm going to cry.
 
 
Mystic Pizza: The Musical
18 August 2008 @ 05:31 pm
Man.  
I am BROKE!
 
 
Mystic Pizza: The Musical
24 April 2008 @ 07:02 pm
Can any of you design my future tattoo, or know someone who can?


Not Adequate


I want a fleur-de-lis. Only problem is, a. There are obviously like 8 trillion people here who already have that tattoo so I don't want it to be generic, and b. I've been having problems finding sources with pictures, and I do NOT want to end up with the Saints logo tattooed on my shoulder. I was planning on getting it done sometime this summer.

I'll be happy to pay for services rendered!
 
 
 
Mystic Pizza: The Musical
08 December 2007 @ 04:11 pm
DANG, Y'ALL:

Seventh Annual Ponderosa Stomp

Celebrating the Unsung Heroes of the Blues, Garage, Soul, Funk, Rockabilly, Swamp Pop and New Orleans R&B

April 29th and 30th, 2008 at the House of Blues and the Parish, New Orleans, From 5 P.M. till 2 A.M., Admission $45
Back in New Orleans on Three Stages for Two Big Nights

Ponderosa Stomp #7, 2008 Lineup

Ronnie Spector, Roky Erickson, Mary Weiss, Question Mark and The Mysterians, The Collins Kids, The Green Fuz, Syl Johnson, The Hi Rhythm Section, William Bell, The Bo Keys, Bobby Parker, The Mighty Hannibal, Nathaniel Mayer, Eddie Bo, Zigaboo Modeliste, Lazy Lester, Barbara Lynn, Tammy Lynn, Al Johnson, Lil Buck Sinegal and The Top Cats Featuring Stanley "Buckwheat" Dural, Warren Storm, Hayden Thompson, Sonny Burgess, Joe Clay, Jay Chevalier, Deke Dickerson and The Eccofonics, Little Freddie King, Henry Gray, Louisiana Red, James Blood Ulmer, Wardell Quezergue and His Rhythm and Blues Revue, Roscoe Robinson, Ralph "Soul" Jackson, Herman Hitson, Wiley and The Checkmates, and Rockie Charles.

Ponderosa Stomp Music Conference

April 29th, and 30th 2008, 12pm -5pm.

Oral histories and moderated panel discussions at the historic Cabildo in New Orleans French Quarter. Sponsored by the Louisiana State Museum and the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame.

Music Writers and Experts: Peter Guralnick, Holly George Warren, Andria Lisle, Jim O'Neal, Michael Hurtt, John Broven, George Paulus.

Musicians: Barbara Lynn, Tammy Lynn, Harold Batiste, Lazy lester, Roy Head, Dale Hawkins, Zigaboo Modeliste, Earl Palmer, Bob French, John Boudreaux, Hayden Thompson, and Sonny Burgess.

Music Industry: Joe Bihari- owner of RPM, Modern and Flair record lables and Bob Sullivan - original engineer of the Louisiana Hayride from 1949-1959.

Tickets

Tickets for the Seventh Annual Ponderosa Stomp are $45 and are general admission. Re-entry is allowed. Tickets will be available through TicketMaster and at the House of Blues ticket office in New Orleans. Date to be announced.

Hotel Information

Rooms are available for the nights of April 28th, 29th, 30th and May 1st, 2008 at the historic French Market Inn, 501 Decatur St, New Orleans in the French Quarter 3 blocks from the House of Blues. The special rate is $79 per night plus tax.

To make reservations one needs to call 1-888-211-3447 and request the Ponderosa Stomp rate. Guests will not be able to get the special rate without mentioning the Ponderosa Stomp.

I didn't get to go last year because I couldn't find anyone to go with. SCREW THAT NOISE this time around -- if I don't go this year I'll hate myself!
 
 
Mystic Pizza: The Musical
05 November 2007 @ 10:31 am
EVERYONE ON AIRLINE HIGHWAY DRIVES LIKE A MANIAC! I never go out that way, but today I had to drive out to the dealership to get my plates & registration. Needless to say, I almost got killed 342932 times, first by some DOUCHEBAG in one of those rent-a-trucks who got on the highway and cut across three lanes in front of me (I doubt they even saw me), then by some bitch tailgaiting me in a Saturn (OF ALL CARS), and then by a bunch of crazy people who were determined NOT to let me merge on 1-12 (which was SCARY, because the next thing I knew I had a bunch of SUVs BEHIND ME that wanted to get off at the exit I was sort of being forced onto, and they were likely to kill me too). The most "aggressive" I usually get when I'm driving is pulling the ol' "slow-down-to-an-impossibly-slow-speed-to-piss-off-a-pushy-tailgater" move, and otherwise I'm usually pretty cool-headed, but this morning I kept honking my horn and giving middle fingers and shouting "SLAGS!" like a professional NUT!

I HATE YOU, SUBURBAN BATON ROUGE! DIE ALREADY!